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If you’re going to find yourself a nice girl who you’d feel comfortable bringing home to mom, there are some strategies you’re going to have to leave behind—because they just don’t cut it anymore.

As you reach your 30s, and definitely after you hit them, women are past the point of wasting their time with guys who aren’t serious about a future.

If you’re not, don’t pretend that you are, because when the truth comes out it’s just going to make things worse.

What I find to be an epidemic these days is that otherwise seemingly mature and well-adjusted men have stuck to the dating habits they learned in their early 20s, or maybe even late teens.

First impressions are important, and unless she’s looking for a frat boy, you’re probably not going to want to look like one. If you think paying for the date is about the money, think again. Life is all about progressing and evolving, but it doesn’t happen automatically. Work, though, is what makes the final result so rewarding: A happy, healthy relationship with a woman you love.

Things change on their own—we all know that happens without us needing to put in any effort. James Michael Sama is an award-winning Boston based blogger on the topics of dating and relationships, having amassed over 30 million readers in just a year and a half.

“Fake it ’til you make it” doesn’t apply when someone’s feelings are on the line. There are plenty of ways a woman can reciprocate if she’d like: she can take care of parking, pick up a round of drinks, get the snacks at the show you got tickets for, whatever it may be.

Guys, the cargo shorts and Polo shirts are great for casual days with your friends, but if you’re taking a woman out on the town, you’re going to need to step it up. But when the tab comes for dinner, don’t let her anywhere near it (and don’t accept her offer to split it).

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