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How can I leave a husband who has supported me but is now struggling with deteriorating health?If we separated, it would be a financial disaster and I also have elderly parents who are leaning on us both. Having read your long, unhappy letter three times before editing it for the page, I find myself confused as to why you feel so angry with yourself.He is intelligent, but poorly educated: I'm disappointed that he rarely reads a book or listens to Radio 4.He loves dancing, walking, gardening and birdwatching - all of which we enjoy together.It's obvious that you want the best for your daughter yet to an outsider it seems clear that her own analysis is the correct one.When you write 'apart from the religious issue', you are brushing aside something which is as colossal as a veritable herd of elephants in the room.Many fathers would be worrying about a daughter dating a man from a very different culture; your appreciation of this boyfriend (as well as the best aspects of his faith) is greatly to your credit.Having said that, I will agree with you that this problem cannot be solved - by you or any other person, no matter how close to the couple.
I want to be free to do as I please, to travel, to discover new things - everything I didn't do when young.
So am I being unreasonable in wanting to discuss politics and books?
My husband is very caring, but not good at dinner party conversation. I'd like to go back and not make the mistake of marrying again on the rebound.
At the same time I confess to a frisson of irritation because - oh fortunate woman - you simply do not realise how lucky you are. Therefore it's my duty to point out, quite firmly, that you run a very real risk of making the biggest one of the lot.
If your first husband accused you, all those years ago, of starting things, perhaps he was saying something about your essential nature. Eliot described as 'the rending pain of re-enactment/ Of all that you have done, and been'. Only you can begin to reflect on your life and look back into childhood, asking where your dislike of yourself began, setting a pattern for future behaviour. Did some early hurt stick like a thorn, over which your skin closed, never to heal properly?